the smack factor

Here we go again, cleanse/diet time.  I can’t help it, I’ve got to try again.  And this time, I’m keeping track of my stuff and I’m going to bloody get my ass to the gym.  I feel like a bag of ass every day.  Every day! A bag of ass.  I’m over it.  I actually cut out caffeine completely a week or two back and I felt great, and then I almost passed out from caffeine depletion (this does not exist) so I returned, but in a half caff way.  And I’m convinced Starbucks is leaving out the half.  So here we go again, and this time, it’s to 11 because this time, my 10 day cleanse has a disc with it.  Oh that’s right, for those of you who don’t like to read that tiny type that comes with some cleanses, so you end up snorting liver cleanser instead of drinking it – here you go.

And! and the beauty is you take it all in the evening and before bed.  This is a big plus for me because I do NOT use the toilet for anything other than crying and peeing at work.  Maybe I’ll provide you with an illustration some day so you know how frightening the toilet situation is at my office so you understand, but know this – you could hear an ant burp in there.

The cleanse is from “The Garden of Life” where I assume the garden is your butt, because all direction point towards the dark star.  You take 3 capsules of “purify” (shouts darkstar) 30 minutes before dinner, then this horrid, crumbly sandy “Capture” (yells darkstar) 30 minutes AFTER dinner and then, wait for it…. “REMOVE” (SHRIEKS darkstar) at bed time.  This has been my first night, so I have no idea if I’ll run screaming to the bathroom in the morning.   I’ll save you from those details.  If you’re lucky.

So let’s see.  Let’s see if I can get up tomorrow BEFORE work and go to the gym so I can maximize my night NOT out covering some party to do laundry, which is sitting by the door disintegrating in its need for clean.  Let’s see if I can keep the caffeine to a minimum and the drinking down there too.  Let’s see if I can keep eating dinner like I did tonight – salmon patty, broccoli, and brown basmati rice and stay away from the evils of cheese and that horrible bitch, pizza.

Let’s see.

Also.. I’m back, I’m trying to not neglect my blog so much, and I promise I won’t devote it only to diet and trying out these well packaged cleanses that claim to do what the body is already probably doing.