the smack factor

For whatever reason, I was manic as hell last weekend.  It was the weekend before a big event week work wise, one dedicated to something that is awesome, but that is unfortunately surrounded by snooty experts and assholes galore.  Interspersed are some really great people, but still, before it began, I got weird.  I went shopping, cleaned, did laundry, and went shopping for ingredients for pasta sauce, meatballs, garlic bread, and mozzarella tomato and basil.

Meatballs: It’s this receipe, but I make my own sauce and the recipe doesn’t list red pepper flakes, but mentions them later, so I add probably 1 Tablespoon to the bowl of meat and such before combining.

1/4 cup plus 2 teaspoons extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 medium onion, minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 pound ground veal
1/4 pound ground pork
1/4 pound ground beef
1 egg white
2 egg yolks
1/2 cup Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese
1/4 cup dry unseasoned breadcrumbs, plus more for coating
Coarse salt (to taste)
Freshly ground pepper (to taste)
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1 pound dry spaghetti

This is the guy that helps me in the kitchen.  I know, you’d think it would be someone else, but let’s not get crazy.

The ingredients were nice enough to pose. Lately canned peeled plum shaped tomatoes are total crap or they’re italian style, which means they have basil in them.  I don’t like sweet tomato sauce, so I have to make sure it doesn’t have basil in it.  So annoying.  Yes, wine, of course.

Green is my favorite color.  It’s taken on various hues throughout the years (even a nice babypoop color, my fav), but green it has always remained.  Basil below – to tear up and tuck into and sprinkle onto the sliced mozz and tomatoes you see in the background.

I generously drizzle extra virgin olive oil on the dish, followed by less balsamic vinaigrette, kosher salt and freshly ground pepper.

Alright so – chop the onion, chop the garlic.  I’m a weirdo, I like to pile and scoop my ingredients when they’re all chopped.  This is the garlic, obviously.  YUM.

Heat up in a big pan 2 teaspoons of olive oil over medium heat and dump the garlic and onions in.  The smell is incredible.  If it were acceptable to smell like oil soaked and heated garlic and onions, I’d make the perfume and wear it. Saute it up for 3 – 5 minutes – it needs to be translucent.

Slap the meats in a bowl:

Dump the onion/garlic concoction onto the meats, add egg white + egg yolks, Parmigiano-Reggiano, and breadcrumbs, season with salt and pepper. Add the red-pepper flakes that aren’t really mentioned in the recipe and oregano.  I was out of oregano so I used breadcrumbs with Italian flavorings:

I love this picture because it’s like… yolk porn.  It’s like a boob pressed against the window.  Schploop!

When it says “combine” I’m sure the salmonella e.coli types mean to use utensils.  This never combines it properly in my book and most certainly takes longer than the Smack method, which is HANDS ON. I get my grubby little hands in there and squeeze it all together, folding, squeezing, folding, squeezing, rolling, squeezing, and then we’re through.

I get a shallow pan or sheet and cover it in breadcrumbs and roll the meat mixture into adorable balls.  I like to make them the size of something you’d have to stretch your face a little to get in.  Scientific, I know.

Rolled balls:

NOW it’s party time.  In a large skillet, heat 1/4 cup olive oil over medium heat.  Plop the balls in and brown them on all sides.  With spitting hot oil this is harder than you’d think.  I use tongs to roll and flip them, but you have to be gentle! You don’t want to squash them.  Browning should take about 3 to 5 minutes, then you take those guys off and put them on a baking sheet lined with paper towels to catch any unwanted oil.  As if!

Now – as I was cooking my meatballs, I had already had sauce simmering for a good three hours.  I returned all of the balls to a clean skillet and poured the sauce over them.   They cook for about 20 – 30 minutes (I like it HOT) and then I slopped them over some noodles and we ate like fat bastards.

They boy said: “These are the best yet!”

For the garlic bread:

1 slender or fat loaf of whatever the hell bread you want
3 huge scoops of butter (it called for unsalted, but I used salted because that’s what I accidentally got), I’m talking huge
2 cloves of garlic mincedsome frickin parsley.  It called for fresh, I don’t have fresh, so I used dry.  You know what you like, use that amount
Mix it all together, cut the bread in half, spread it on the bread
I put the oven 350 for about 20-25 minutes and it was glorious