I just realized that I haven’t yet updated you on the final moments of my little blue friend, alli! Last week, the night before Drew and Maria’s wedding, I took my last pill. It was a very odd moment mixed with relief and fear. Relief because I knew that if I had 16g of fat with a meal instead of 12-15g I wouldn’t have to worry about a bloaty hurting belly, toots in bed, or dear sweet lord, the possibility of public … leakage (never happened to me!) and fear because, well, I don’t trust myself. I WANT to continue eating really well and keeping the fat and calories down — but am I strong enough to look peanut butter in the eye and say “not right now, I have a headache”?
And pizza. I haven’t had pizza yet because I’m afraid that if I fall off the pizza wagon, I’m totally screwed. That’s a tidal wave I can’t fight, so I just have to keep that luscious hot triangle of cheesy pepperoni love out of my mouth. So how do I feel today? Pretty good – like all things, if it isn’t there in front of you (like meth) you won’t “use” it. I haven’t bought pizza, cream puffs, and kegs of peanut butter. I’m still eating egg whites for breakfast with turkey bacon. I’m trying, man. It’s easier than I thought only because I know the price I’ll pay for eating like a hoss and that = getting fat. So, when I do splurge I feel deep disappointment. Like, “what, that’s all it was?” The food medication is so fleeting. Then I feel horrible because I just ingested bad crap and it wasn’t that good.
I don’t want to be fat. I won’t lie, I’m obsessed with the scale, and when I see it nudge up I beat myself up. And I don’t think my body is used to tons of fat which is also good. I had avocado on my salad last night and today my belly is not in a good place. And that makes me happy. I don’t want to hang onto that fat. So, wish me luck in life without alli. Can I keep the weight off? Can I motivate off the couch between job searches to get a jog or two in? I hope so.
I just started taking Alli… What can you tell me about it?
jlworrall@wowway.com
you REALLY REALLY have to be dedicated. Stick to the fat and calorie counting. Whenever I slipped up it was because i didnt input my meals and I wasn’t as aware as I should be of my intake. Also, you CAN eat out with friends and still have fun if you DO check oon the menu first. When unsure of fat content(because it’s the fat that will make you poop your pants)(I mean have less than desirable side effects), just watch portion size.
I love wine. So if I ever slipped on calories, it was always wine. however, even with a few wine slipups, I really kept up with the low low fat and calories otherwise, and I felt great. The reactions of friends, my boyfriend, and of myself liking what i saw in the mirror were all worth it.
Something to really be aware of is that it can be frustrating. You’re surrounded by people who arent counting, who aren’t watching, who eat brownies… and they all do it in front of you. Sometimes I wanted to cry because I wanted a damn piece of pizza, but I knew whhat it would do to me. Yes you’ll feel frustrated, but do NOTGIVE UP. The way you’ll feel is so worth it. Since I’ve been off, I gained a little back because i got really excited one week about eating, but I’m back on track, it’s staying off — you just have to learn the habits and stick to them even when you’re off. It’s really not as much about dieting as it is learning how to eat like a real human. OH! Get the recipe book in addition to the web stuff. Great recipes, and I still use it today!
Most people I know Say Alli OOPS as it makes you shit your pants. When you buy a bottle make sure to also buy a box of depends.