the smack factor

I promised Factor I would try not to blog “down” or as angry and I promised myself I’d try and remove some personal elements so that in the event that a hiring person comes to this blog they won’t say “hmm, she makes points here and there, but i’m not sure I care about her stomach issues”. Anyway, not altering me, just maybe making more sense. I’m always conflicted about that.

But today. I’m back down again. If I’m going to share with you the real side of unemployment and job searching, I should be honest. And that means that things aren’t always sparkley and exciting. Sometimes they’re demotivating and emotionally disturbing. I went to an IBM alumni event last week and I met someone who really made me feel great. She said I should never ever downplay my experience at IBM and that to other companies having 7 years of experience is SO hirable. She said that I was everywhere – blogging, podcasting, social networking – and that I got people excited about web 2.0. That I was an influencer and that THAT experience could translate anywhere. I told her that I loved taking these technical concepts and making them tangible. Getting the average person who has enough problems getting their spreadsheets together to actually carve out time to try emerging technologies was something that motivated me every day. And when they loved it and shared it with their network and so on and so on… the geek in me LOVED it. Apparently that passion and that drive combined with the experience is incredibly hirable. So why am I sitting here trying to get up the guts to call a certain music venue (super sweet, btw) to see if they’re hiring…

WAITSTAFF.

I’m a great waitress, so if they ARE hiring, I’m confident I’ll get the job, but is this why I sold my soul to the devil for 7 years? And man, I have EXHAUSTED my network. I’m a social networking whore (and I kinda like it, don’t get me wrong). I’m Twittering, I’m on facebook, I’m on Linkedin, I’m on Yelp, I’m EVERYWHERE. I have begged, pleaded, passively coerced, reminded.. I’ve done everything to promote myself, sell myself, asked for help (which I hate to do, it feel really demeaning to me), and things just stall. As soon as something sounds promising, that’s it – it SOUNDS promising. I follow up, I apply, I use my inroads… and then spiff, it fizzles. Stay positive, they say. There is nothing that hurts more than staying positive sometimes because when you stay positive it stings like hantavirus when leads lead to crap.

I’m still trying, I am. I’m working like it’s my job.. to get a job. But when does your network stop listening? They HAVE jobs. I can’t needle them every day (and I don’t’ needle, but it feels to me like needling) for help, but mentors have always told me to keep on top of it – that when it’s not someone else looking for a job, they need to be reminded that you still are. I don’t want to be an annoyance. “Hey, have you heard anything further about [insert fab position here]” feels to me like that little dog hopping aroung Spike… “hey spike, wanna play spike, comeon spike huh huh huh spike”

ag. Why can’t I be independently wealthy so I can afford to get that financial guy, that lawyer, that silent partner, to start my business and work for me? I’m officially daunted.

If that’s a word. don’t NOT hire me because I used “daunting” inapproriately.