Yesterday I didn’t have any coffee. My coffee addicted friends out there, you KNOW how that feels. It’s as if you’re suddenly not in control of your head and even your emotions. I never knew being addicted to coffee could make me experience worse withdrawal than a hangover. These were my symptoms yesterday:
- googly belly. I sipped black tea thinking that would help, but it only made my stomach googlyier
- weird emotions. I was all “Wah wah wah sad depressed unmotivated, wwah wah wah”
- whack emotions. I yelled at the Wok. I still think we need a new one, but I mean, let’s control the anger people, it’s just trying to heat my veggies. Which is didn’t. Wok jerk.
- VOMIT HEAD. My head. Was exploding. All over. The place. It was horrible. I could feel the arteries and veins and vessels contracting and waffling in my brain. One right over my temple was pulsing so loud I wanted to cut it like Rocky Balboa. When I talked, it got worse. When I moved my eyeballs, it was as if the insides of my eyeballs were lined with shards of jagged glass and when they moved, they scraped the frontal lobe of my brain away. I had to move them back, so i got it double duty. I couldn’t smile, I couldn’t properly watch TV. I couldn’t leap around on Factor like I normally do… I couldn’t lead life normally!!!
Until today. When I woke and filled the gentle little white coffee filter with four heaping scoops of ghetto Folgers (because I can’t afford the chichi Dunkin stuff anymore) and slipped the carafe under the dripper, the anticipation of the first sip drizzled through my body like hot melted caramel over cheesecake (which is wonderful, by the way). I made myself sit on the couch and check gmail while I waited or it would have been water torture. I poured that first cup and the scent filled my apartment like a McDonald’s fryolater. I took a sip and my skin popped open into a suit of chills as that bitter, teeth staining, stomach acid riling, addictive fluid slithered through my body.
Now. NOW my friends, we are back in business.
i nodded in agreement as i read this w/ coffee in hand