I feel like an after school special right now. I’m poor. I’m stressed. My stomach is in such a horrible spot right now. At this rate, unless I win the lottery, I won’t make rent without asking for help. I don’t want to do that. And it’s the holidays. I need to be visited by an angel in my sleep because right now, I just want christmas to be over. I panic when holiday commercials come on with people giving tons of gifts because I know I can’t do that. I change the channel so fast it’s just a little blue of red and sparkles. I want to cry when I hear christmas music. It just sucks, this whole situation sucks. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in this situation and have children – and maybe one of them is sick. The choices you have to make are life altering. All I have to do is make sure we don’t get behind in rent and then have our rent jacked up. But I’m assuming this can all happen in the short term. I know I shouldn’t expect the worst, but what happens if i don’t get any sort of job at all? What DOES happen? We sure as hell can’t lose this place – what would factor do? What would we both do? I have to assume that’s not the life I’m supposed to have and that like always, fate will take care of things, but I’m feeling the burn and the scared. It’s not a good feeling. And it’s not even close to a good feeling on the holidays.
Dire straits
December 18, 2007 by smack
Posted in holiday depression, life, making rent, money, not making rent, unemployed in nyc | Tagged depression, holidays, jobless, poor, unemployment | 6 Comments
6 Responses
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Oh man! I’m sorry you are having such a hard time. I know you’ve heard – “Oh, it will get better.” So I’m not going to just say that – I’m going to tell you that I’ve been in a similar situation and felt like I would cry if I heard one more Christmas song. It did pass – and things did get better – but that’s not to minimize the way you are feeling NOW! It’s hard – and know that I’m hoping for the best for you!
You will find a job soon!
thank you melissa – I’m trying to keep a brave face. Of course, I have to write about it, it’s therapy. I just don’t want my inability to score a job to affect life negatively for factor. Plus, I’m really stressed about gifts. I like to give everyone gifts they’ll really love and this year I just suck. I can’t even afford postage.
I don’t know you, but I hear you. Hang in there. I’m burning everyone a CD this year. That’s poor grad student Christmas for ya. They’ll understand. Take care.
Hey Girl! Your friends really don’t care if they get a present…that’s NOT important!!! They DO care that you will be OK…hang in there and please keep in touch!!! We’re thinking of you BIG TIME!!! xoxoxo
thanks peeps. And thanks for NOT telling me that thing could be worse
Kelly Im thinking that companys hire after the new year, not before Christmas. I m so sorry. I dont know you but I have faith in you. Something wonderful is just around the bend! This talk might make you want to vommit, at christmas, but things will work out, you are a talented person.