the smack factor

Maybe you aren’t, but I am.  Ok, not old, but older.  And I’m really ok with that, I am.  I’m VERY ok with it.  I like saying good bye to another year of learning what not to do.  I like knowing I’ve just gotten past a bunch of rough jabs to the gut and the head and I’m fairly unscathed.  I also like knowing what I’m not into anymore.   I’m not into a big party.  It’s too hard.  I did it and I shouldn’t have.  It was FREAKING AWESOME hanging out with as many friends that could come, no doubt.  But I think I really prefer the longer more meaningful contact.  Like dinner with friends.  And not mixing different groups too much because really, even though we are all adults, we’ll still gravitate to the groups we’re comfortable with. Granted, I always try to run around a party and be everyone’s favorite, but I know that not everyone is like that (thank GOD, because IIII want to be the favorite)… but like, I couldn’t even do that at my own party!  I wanted to talk to this person and that person, but then I felt like if I stayed too long on one person, i’d be neglecting someone else.  Whether or not that’s a valid feeling, I felt it and it made me feel really strange.

Also, a few really odd thigns happened that I wasn’t expecting.

• the shower was clogged and nasty and I couldn’t get in until 8 - which means that some early guests arrived and i was still in the shower.  I had to get ready in front of them and that was really annoying.  Especially since there was some heckling about me not hanging out.  Well hey, I DON’T WANT TO BE WET WHEN OTHER PEOPLE SHOW UP.
• overnight guests from out of town never showed up… yet never called to tell me.  Not mad about it, just perplexed.  Right?
• naterkane literally and honestly mixed up the days and didn’t realize it until he was headed over on the wrong night.
• factor completely forgot to take care of me and ended up acting a total fool.  however, he said one very important thing to me, and again, this is why I love him.. the next day he said “I don’t think you should be this mad”.  Which was very true.  My level of mad was so not equal to what really was just bad judgement.  And of course, when i look at that face, I can’t be mad anymore.  He’s the guy I love and I know any minor hurt is never intentional.
• a certain unnamed guest kept hinting that he needed a place to stay.  I did not invite him to stay, as this is a small new york city apartment, i am not 22 letting people sleep all over my floor, and he’s famous for being a drunk turd - on the eve of my bday party I did not want to take care of someone else.  This certain unnamed guest showed up with a bag packed.  Now, yes, I was happy to see him — until I saw the packed bag.  Certain unnamed guest proceeded to get obliterated at my party, made no sense, stayed out until after 4:00am (with Factor in tow) and managed to get in an altercation with someone a floor below me.  Who lives below me.  In the building I have to live in.  No, drunk turd will never be invited back
• drama is not fun at your own birthday party.

I just think the big party is overrated, obviously.  I love my friends, I love that everyone came, but I think I just like more personal time with them.  Every single one of them.

And that is the name of that tune.

PS I still love guitar hero and I will never not think it’s fun.