Why I hate small towns and still get mad at my mom

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Why I hate small towns and still get mad at my mom

April 8, 2008 by smack

I don’t really hate small towns. In fact, I love the one I grew up in because it’s slow and there’s nothing to do. So it’s like rehab, with cows. However, I hate what a small town does to people. In fact, I hate what small towns do to people who are sheltered and naive and fearful of the world in general. This is what they do:

they shield you from opportunity. Thus, when say, you go to college (as I did), you have NO idea what’s out there for you, and you sort of hump through like a flounder in the sand. One eye all smushed. Maybe both. Or is that the halibut.
It makes you not know how big and exciting other things are. for example, I told my mom that I’m a bonafide journalist now. A paid blogger, in fact. The reaction wasn’t as big as when she said Plappy made produce manager at fucking Kroger.

Ok that’s all. I’m bitter. You may or may not be astute enough to realize I just had yet another non rewarding phone call with a parental unit where nothing like “wow, i’m so proud of you!” was said, and there was no excitement or “yowza, that’s big!” emotions shown at all. I am not surprised, i’m not. I know this is how she’s been for freakin ever. But I can’t help it, BE EXCITED, BE PROUD, even if you don’t understand it or get it - if I’m excited and happy - SHOW EQUAL EXCITEMENT. The WORST part is, when things are bad, the reaction is one of outrageous worry. Or like, if I tell her I ride the subway. That gets a reaction.

But a PRESS PASS. I’ve never had, held, or known a press pass. And I get to have one. I know they don’t come as sheets of paper and get stuck in fedoras, but FUCK DUDE -

sheesh.

Posted in nyc | Tagged family, life, ranting, small towns make people not get anything | 13 Comments

13 Responses to “Why I hate small towns and still get mad at my mom”

on April 8, 2008 at 7:55 pm1 intuitivelyobvious

Yea, and some moms still talk about who went to the prom 40 years ago.
on April 8, 2008 at 9:00 pm2 myfoodcoma

I think we have the same mother.

A press pass? Holy shit, that’s like a ticket to, like, every freakin’ party. I’ll be excited for you then! I once got free tickets to Disneyland from a press pass.
on April 9, 2008 at 8:42 am3 Kim

My mom says she’s proud of me all the time but somehow ruins the moment by pointing out something negative about me. I can’t begin to tell you the countless comments I’ve received about my weight, my skin, my hair… and according to her, if she doesn’t say it, who will?

But you get a press pass?! Dude - I’m excited for you and really jealous.
on April 9, 2008 at 9:12 am4 Gail

Yeah, my mom is the same way. She’s more proud of my one cousin that is married and going to school to be a librarian (isn’t that a gloried border’s employee?) or my other cousin that is a security guard at the power plant. Bottom line is they live in a different world and could never get it.

Press pass? Does that mean you can sneak into the Yankees locker room like Carrie? Congrats girl, I could only be prouder if you were promoted to night manager at Ponderosa
on April 9, 2008 at 9:21 am5 smack

Gail, I love you for many reasons. But now the #1 reason is definitely the shout out to Ponderosa.
on April 9, 2008 at 9:28 am6 Tricia

wow, a press pass, thats really cool!
on April 9, 2008 at 10:53 am7 newt

I don’t know what your mom is like, but I think a lot of parents (unless they are those touchy-feely parents you see on the Lifetime Movie Network) don’t really react to things the way maybe your friends would. But when you’re not there, they are probably bragging to all their friends about your exploits. (I’m sure because what else is there to talk about in a small town, who tipped whose cows over last night?)
on April 9, 2008 at 12:56 pm8 wyble

i’ve stopped trying to explain to my mom what it is i do. i think she’s proud of me, but trying to explain jobs at (insert random large company here) is like trying to teach quantum physics. (sorry quantum physicists.)
on April 9, 2008 at 5:33 pm9 nona*

mine still cant understand why i dont pay for CDs and i think she suspects i steal them therefore she is worried about me getting fired. this puts a damper on any faux excitement she may otherwise truly feel. she also just asked me if i had an “extra bedroom” in my new apartment. (NYC Y’all! i’m lucky i have a sink)
on April 10, 2008 at 3:37 pm10 mtbrooks

I’ve always been compared to my cousin who works with pallets. Yes, pallets, those wooden frames that they ship everything on. What the hell? I make movies, dammit! I design things!

But my cousin is working with a spreadsheet about pallets and all things pallet related, which is somehow more impressive.

This is why I don’t call home as often…
on April 11, 2008 at 3:47 pm11 thereyesreport

Moms are silly. I think when you birth children you push out part of your brain. But they do love us in a weird, twisted way.

Now, on to the more important part of the post. You do need a Fedora!!!
on April 12, 2008 at 10:25 pm12 minnie

fancy!
on April 13, 2008 at 11:27 pm13 Mary Helen

Ick. Parents are for suck. Mine are the exact same way. For ex: I finally get a car built in the same decade as we are currently in. Not a new car, not a flashy car, but a reliable, grown up car. I was a bit excited when I told my dad. Wow! Look how un-destitute I am! So he tells me not to be so materialistic. Jesus Christmas, I’m driving a hyundai, wearing second hand clothes, and I have job that pays terribly so that I can be creative for a living. If I was any less materialistic I’d have gone hairy krishna! And forget ever getting them to accept writing as a fancy, successful career! I was proud as pop when I got my pro-blogging job. I doubt the ‘rents even know the web address. Bah humbug.