I’m excited to have gym stories to add to my repertoire here. NYSC may just be a great source of material starting now. So let’s talk about my first time. Yes, I was gripped by fear, no nothing horrible happened to me, and yes, it was fun. OK, and yes i felt really good after. Which made me excited to go the next day with my gal pal (I hate that phrase, but it’s kind of fun) Bex!
Yesterday we met near my favorite place of fatness, Shake Shack. I walked by the oozing cheese fries and burbling burgers and headed to Park and 23rd – the location of the oddest NYSC yet. and by yet, I mean… it’s the second one I’ve been to. I walked in and immediately noted token anorexic/exercise bulemic girl taking out her daddy issues on the treadmill. Her butt bones poked through her pantalones. but really, let’s talk about the locker room, shall we. Bex and I walked in and nervously glanced around. We both spoke in low voices, sort of shy. I am not into public anything. Ok, well, maybe SOME stuff, but undressing in front of other women who are also undressing does not interest me one bit. I’d rather run in my jeans filled with fire ants and rubbing alcohol than have to change in front of other changing women. Let’s get the run down of the cast:
- SportsBra BigKnocker McTootightpants: Oh yes, she roams the lockeroom with her towel draped about her head, while talking on her cellphone. Her ginormous rack drips down her belly as the rest of her tries to race over the rim of her pants. She prances about the locker room like Kate Moss at a coke buffet.
Underbutt pokethrough MCshouldn’tshow: The very first person I noticed was a towel clad woman who is either 50something or a rough 40 something (hard to tell from the dimples on her highly visible buns) bending over into her locker in her towel. ASS CHEEKS DANGLING out from under her towel, because it covers like [see artist's interpretation] THERE WAS NO COVERAGE. Yet, she walked slowly back and forth around the lockerroom as if she wasn’t cracking everyone out. She stood, ass bottom out, at the water fountain for at least 5 minutes while she refilled her water bottle. No, i didn’t stare, but it didn’t take long to realize this flat as a pancake dangling mess wasn’t something I needed to see.
I guess that’s really it. Those are the standouts. Although I’m sure that as Bex and I did the sit up challenge giggling our faces off, we were someone else’s characters.
You’re learning an essential truth about locker rooms: the older one gets, the more likely one is to get bare-ass naked in front of others in the locker room and parade your unsightly goods all over. They seem to get points for covering as much square footage as possible without clothes. I’ve seen too many old men watching the tv naked, drying their hair naked, having conversations with other naked old men while naked, and generally being as naked and creepy as possible.
Creativity points for: “the rest of her tries to race over the rim of her pants.” Unfortunately for your readers, the description is quite vivid.
I have to agree with MTBrooks. All of the older ladies in my gym are the ones hanging out having full conversations completely naked. It’s kind of alarming. When they’re talking to me, my internal voice is screaming, “keep your eyes up!” because you can’t help but look. They’re right THERE!
i will NEVER tell stories from the gym locker room. gross.
but mtbrooks is dead on. age is positively correlated with likelihood of nudity in locker rooms.
so, unfortunately, is weight.
shudder. shiver.
I don’t know if I can agree about it just being older people who love to be naked in locker rooms? There are a heck of a lot of college and even high school girls at the Y that are more than comfortable walking around the locker room 100% buck naked for long periods of time.
A few months back I was changing out of my bathingsuit and back into my clothes when a totally nude 13 year old girl struck up a conversation with me in the locker room. In the pool I had noticed from her swim team bathingsuit that she was going to the same junior high that I had gone to years earlier. So I asked her a few questions about some of the teachers at the school and what grade she was in. She answered a couple of questions and said she’s in the 8th grade, and that was the extent of our conversation. But when the swim session was over and everyone was in the ladies locker room she started this long conversation about how she just broke up with her boyfriend because he was seeing another girl behind her back, but how her former boyfriend was the brother of her best friend and how she still has to see him whenever she’s at her friends house, etc, etc.
She was a really sweet girl. But it struck me as odd how she stood there completely nude the entire time she was telling me about her boyfriend and his sister who she’s close friends with.
As far as older people and their comfort level with nudity, I think part of it is because years ago school required kids to have to shower after gym classes, and so they got used to locker room nudity. We didn’t have to shower after gym at my schools, but some of my girlfriends did have to shower at their schools and so now their more comfortable being nude in the locker room whenever we swim together at the Y.