There’s been some drama going down in the east village. And it’s all happening in our building. It all began with the passive agressive, oddly hippie-ish, let’s love each other but not confront each other note that I now think was left by…
the most recent drama club, 3rd floor Tunes guy and second floor Quiet Guy (origination unknown). So, Tunes moved in a month or so ago. He pumps up the jams to a level that is sort of annoying, but really doesn’t make me angry. What makes me angry is that he smokes horrible filterless cigarettes. When they slither up into our apartment it smells like a chain smoking goat farted out of a dead hooker’s mouth. It’s bad. Every time I smelled that smoke I would get all pissed off that I hadn’t invested in property at the age of 16 so I could like, OWN STUFF and not have to smell smoke that I didn’t create. It also makes me wish they’d pass that law already that you can’t smoke in an apartment unless you own the damn thing so no one else has to smell the esophagus mincing vomit breath second hand.
where was I? Oh, right, loud thumping music. turns out, one night a couple weeks ago, maybe less, Tunes came upstairs to ask Factor if anyone ever asked him to lay carpet. Lay carpet, you say? Seems that Quiet Guy has been calling the landlord bitching about the noise and the landlord has asked Tunes to put down some carpet. Lay carpet. OH, PS, Tunes has some hot skanks over a lot, they all smoke and Hot Skank CLOMPS around in her no doubt red patent leather stilettos. It’s a big drama which culminated in a Saturday afternoon “fucker!” shout. It’s Saturday afternoon! Let the man play his music - it’s usually just Feist in heavy rotation or that horrid “new blah blah” song from the Airbook commercial. We heard Quiet Guy hammering on Tunes’ door.
“IT’S TOO LOUD!!”
mumble mumble
SLAM
“fuckers!” - low, but loud enough.
And then a few days ago this sign emerged that perplexes me like a kumquat:
Someone, please tell me, I mean maybe it’s an englandlandism that I don’t get. But what does this mean?
I think they meant don’t “smack” the door again, which is clearly a jab at you, which means they know you write this blog, which means they probably have it out for you. That sort of thing.
Props to factor for the top-flight product modeling.
my brain!!
I just noticed that wordpress is now suggesting other peoples’ blogs that i have not said I want shown…. this is VERY annoying to me and I am going to get to the bottom of this.
I love the pretty, serifed `please` as the pleasant introductory phrase before laying the smack down on tha reader. How nice.
I like how they’ve put the ‘please’ in the nice friendly curly font, so as not to be too aggressive, unless that’s sarcasm.
i do not recognize the shirt Factor is wearing. this perplexes ME.
This reminds me of the signs in the women’s bathroom at your former place of employment.
You should replace the sign with one reminding people to wipe front to back.
This sounds very passively-aggressive scandalous.