the smack factor

Ok listen, I get it. Movies aren’t real. I figured that out a long time ago (imagine the learning curve for documentaries!) I’m telling you right now that I have a hard time watching movies probably because of my intensely superior brain. Or because i’m cynical. Or because Hollywood spits out total crap most of the time. That said (ah shit, I just said “that said”), I wasn’t expecting anything mind bending from the sex and the city movie. in fact, my grey sponge was looking fowrard to being soaked in candy for a good couple of hours. Yes, I said a couple of hours. The pink, the hair, the fashion, the boobies - I was ready! And, it was sort of ceremonious because we got all cuted up for my friend Quail’s birthday, aiming for cocktails later.

PS because of my job, it’s actually really painful to drink on the weekends. Are you ready for my bulleted take on the movie? Good.

• the girls give a cautionary modern cinderella story. Life and relationships aren’t always happy and amazing. Fuck that, creators and writers. Let me tell you the real message of the SATC movie: “Women are weak and shallow and driven by labels, money, and ugly boyfriends. They choose low quality lesser human men who then either cheat on them or require constant relationship coddling because they’ve been imbeciles all their lives and just can’t handle adult love. However, because women are weak and shallow, these men must be forgiven, letting them scoot by with the opportunity to fail as humans again. But like, weak women, that’s all you deserve.” The end.
• Jesus christ, someone needs to tell SJP NOT to wear her hair up. With her hair severely yanked up on her head, she looked like Bram Stoker’s dracula. The one with Gary Oldman. Couple that with some eyeliner and that’s a tranny hooker i would not pay to scare my children.
• The sequence where samantha “gets fat” to not cheat? That was fat? I’m surprised half the crispy cremers in the audience didn’t walk out in protest. That was so unecessary (the scene, and my comment)

I have more, but I’m treading in dangerous territory where some weirdos will come out of the woodwork and get all up ins about the movie. It was overbloated, but it was supposed to be. I walked out at the end like I left every episode, dumber, smiling, sort of depressed, and hoping the 3 straight guys in the audience don’t use this movie as their guidebook to real, quality, women.

That is all! now I must clean, maybe hit the gym, and then take my beautiful man out for steak dinner with the money I stumbled upon recently.