the smack factor

You’re probably like “oh deary, here she goes, she’s about to light into Steve Madden like a fly lights on feces.
First, maybe I’m not a girl, so there.
Second, yes I am.

I just had the best Steve Madden experience ever. and i NEVER have a good Steve Madden experience. It’s usually packed with snotty skinny bitches in skinnier jeans or gals from Staten Island picking up some see through heals for “work”. And the people who work there? they usually ask “do you need help?” with a gum filled snarl coated in a tone of “should I inconvenience myself to aid you in shoe selection?” That is, if you can hear them over the blaring Avril Lavigne.

anyway, they just opened a steve madden on my way to work. It’s right next to the new True Religion jeans joint. I walk by wistfully, wishing I had cashflow. Today, I didn’t have cashflow, but I also didn’t have my mind on my money, sorry snoop. I walked into the nearly empty store, brightly lit, with the music down low and walked back and forth among the shoes. I saw at least three pairs that would be a style stretch for me, but i’m committed to style stretching this winter in a boot way. Anyway, my eyes settled on a pair of patent leather wedge gladiator sort of things. AND they’re 5.5. I’m a 5, but no one ever carries a damn 5. So I have to deal with the too big shoes (remember buyer’s remorse, Sarah?)

Can I help you? This super nice gay fellow asked. He flittered after the mates for my shoes while silly facial hair guy walked up and said “anyone give you a scratch off?”
“huh?” – me, always sounding intelligent
“a scratch off” – he shows me his steve madden card.
“No, no one did, but I can’t take it if it has anything to do with getting a credit card” – again, suspicious as always, but for once not super cranky
“nah, just scratch it off and you save” I scratched. 25% off anything in the store!!!

Yeehawhootytooty! So what did I do? I bought those hooker looking wedges, checked out, got my discount, got my receipt with a free Schwayze (derrrr) download, exchanged some “oh, that’s good marketing” banter, got to pick the color (green!) of my TOTALLY reusable bag, and skipped out smiling!

Double critter bonus: it also fit my other favorite thing on earth: Vino!

All you shoe fiends, the sale (with scratch offs and hopefully friendly faces) is going on all this weekend at all Steve Madden stores. Go forth, and get slutty shoes!