the smack factor

Have you ever said that? That you’ve gone and done something against your better judgement? but what if going against your better juedgement is actually in your best interest? I’ve resisted posting about a certain incident that happened to me recently for a few reasons.

1. I don’t want to exacerbate the situation
2. I want to let it go
3. I don’t want to let this situation have this much of an effect on me.

But hey guess what? I write and it makes me feel better. I gots to get it out or it will keep eating at me like that pigeon pulling at the splattered brains of an exploded rat in the Chinatown streets. Here’s what happened. I’m going to bullet it into digestible chunks for you. No I won’t.

I covered a certain event for a certain company. To me it was haphazard, poorly planned (again, to me – I wasn’t included in any of the discussions, given a run through, nothing, just told to take pictures). I also wrote about said event in my column. The tone of my column is off beat, sarcastic, fun, and people who get it and who we want to get it are people who see the immeasurable value in not taking yourself too seriously. A certain person in a very high leadership position in my office, who we’ll call Captain Crustacean, loves it. Loves to say he created it. Loves to say that he suggested that I write it (even though the Man says it was his idea, whatever people, it’s fine). Captain Crustacean also thinks that snarky is great. Apparently until it has something to do with something he’s been involved with. Like Columbo I deduced this by opening an email the other morning that ripped my stomach out. Here’s is the subject line: Wow. Forget you.

*giving you some time to react* ….. Ok, is your face back to normal? I actually get hot all over writing that down. I was really confused by this subject line. I once again thought that I written something positive, but someone else read it with an insecure head and took it as a personal attack on them. The back story is that Capn Crustacean had invited a certain emcee. She’s a comic I guess. I wasn’t laughing, not a lot of people were. In fact, a guest told me afterward that “I was uncomfortable a few times.” I did not use that quote. Ok, but back to being confused. Tell me, do you expect to receive, at work, and email from a Director using lots of “whatever”s, calling you nasty (oh yes, he claimed that he did not know the depths of how nasty I really am), calling your writing “drivel”, calling you self centered (hello, i’m a writer, first person, le der I’m self centered), and then ending it with… get this “All I can say is I think you should stay far away from me. For a very long time.” Well now, that’s going to make our work relationship a little unproductive, donchathink? Oh, and this person is also a mid 40’s year old man. I haven’t written a note like the one he sent since 8th grade when I thought my friend Mandy was posessed by the devil, when in reality I was just jealous of her huge tits. I’m from Ohio.

• nasty
• self centered
• drivel
• stay away

Cliff’s Notes for you. I get this shit from readers. I get this shit from sales turds who don’t like their rat faced hooker mugs grasping tiny tacos in the column. To get this from a “higher up” in my company? ridiculous. I know what you’re wondering? “I hope you took it up the chain!!! WTF!!!” right? Kids, kids, have you learned nothing from my IBM days? The old me would have forwarded that note to my boss, his boss, and my editor. But the smarter political avenger me really wants to work things out between the offender and myself. I want to be respected by the MAN. I don’t want The MAn to think I’m some whiny pork sausage that cries about interpersonal office communication. Because guess what, the Man isn’t my counselor and I’m not going to bring an issue to him that is purely a personality issue. I know, I’m such a grown up.

I sucked it up. I sucked it up hard. I was so personally attacked, and the shit pushed in my face was about how hard this person worked, so late every night to make all this stuff happen. And I thought to myself, how typical. For someone to call me self centered, yet not even realize how hard the people under him work and that I too work late into the night. Maybe not on that event specifically, but during it and around it. but guess what, I also know that trying to convince someone of my value or of others value aside from their own isnt going to work and it’s not worth it. What I needed to do was diffuse the situation best I could. Which means sucking it up hard. No fighting back, just pointing out where we can move on, where I was coming from, and what would he like to do next. Each subsequent note was sillier in snottiness and once he even said “we should have hired a real photographer” (I know, Maria, just breathe). I never went off the handle. Which leads me to my next piece…

Everyone. EVERYONE in the office said to just diffuse it, let Captain Crustacean rant and go off the deep end, and then leave it alone and the situation would take care of itself. What i want to know is, why are the most difficult people on earth given the most leeway? Like, “oh, that’s just how so and so is… give him/her a little space.” Every person around Captain Crustacean has to walk on mussel shells to make sure he doesnt flip his shit and act like a decapitated baby at the office. Why do we do this? Why is this typical across the board? You KNOW it happens to you. This whole situation got me into a dickspin of depression. I started falling back on my IBM oh woe is me days. Like, why can’t I just do my job and be happy? Why can’t I just go noticed for good work, but unnoticed otherwise? Why is there always someone in the office who hates my confidence and my sparky fucking attitude so much that every day they try to break me down? Yeah, I had to cut that shit out because

1. I don’t respect his work
2. I don’t respect his opinion
3. I don’t like him, frankly
4. thus, I don’t care

But of course I cared a little because he knocked my work and my personality. I feel better already because it’s true, I don’t want this person’s approval. I don’t want his friendship either. All i want is to do my job and do it well, eat pizza and not get fat, and hit the gym maybe once this year.

Honestly, every time he compliments my work, I’m insulted.